Tag Archives: face your fears

Living big and seeking out adventures

Still facing fears my friends… haven’t quite let that dream go yet!

Here are just a few as of late:

Driving in Barbados, on the opposite side of the road and manual at that! *Side note: I don’t drive manual. Truth is, I hardly drive at all! I’m more a P-transit kinda girl so having my Bajan friend trust me enough to drive his precious truck was pretty special and for different reasons than my home land of Canada. Let me explain. Here, my friends would likely be fearful of me grinding their gears (literally not metaphorically) and messing up their car. In Barbados, with rickety old winding roads that are hardly big enough for two cars and often have cliffs at either side, fearing for you life is most certainly the more likely fear. I wasn’t allowed to go off-roading or try any donuts… perhaps that’s lesson two!?! Thank you J for letting me drive your truck – was most definitely a highlight!!

Surfing. Water. Undertow. Failure. Here comes that awful fear of failure again. I had some amazing friends who were very patient with me as I kept at the surfing bit. Getting pummeled by waves is by no means my biggest fear, but it’s definitely not my idea of a good time. Regardless, sometimes it happens and that’s okay because to get up and out there feels pretty freaking awesome.

Double black diamonds and speed. As a child there is this sort of fearlessness. Maybe it’s just dumb kids and that they don’t know any better… a naïvety that serves them well, but I’m trying my best to get back to that point of fearlessness and I think I scratched the surface while in Tremblant. We stepped it up and went hard that weekend. I had some fabulous friends alongside me as we sought out the steepest hills to gain the speed to which you think, Lordy, this is gonna hurt if I catch an edge! There’s nothing quite like being in the mountains, flying through powder and rushing by the trees while the sun and wind kiss your cheeks. What can I say, I’ve got the need for speed and there’s really no cure but to feed it! *I’m in search of a speedway if anyone has some suggestions for me.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in comforts and safety zones and suppress certain fears, or thrills, or emotions, but we can’t get too caught up in our own comforts – we’ll never learn anything about ourselves that way, and that is becoming crystal clear to me as I continue to search out new endeavors and thrilling adventures!

Here’s to living big! What’s your next big adventure??

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Perfectly flawed

Dance more. It’ll make your soul feel good.

Nothing is perfect. No matter how much you prepare, or how much you plan, life seems to happen amidst all that planning and might even leave you scrambling.

We’re just along for the ride. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Savour it.

Every time I come to write, I freeze. I want perfection when it comes to my writing. I want to get it just right. Most times, this means the page remains blank. Turns out something is most often better than nothing at all. Maybe not? I really just haven’t come around to believing it. Even after all the fears I’ve faced (and I have come a ways), it’s silly that here I am, still scared of this blog, scared to share my thoughts, scared to write it all down. I want life to be messy. I want life to be filled with abandonment. I want to boldly step forward. I’ll get there, if just with baby steps.

I think life would be a lot better if I were willing to live a more messy existence. By no means do I have it all figured out, but I definitely restrict myself in ways and although I don’t follow a lot of plans, I sure do plan a lot. Since my challenge of facing 100 fears I’ve become much more engaged with life. I haven’t fallen so hard that I swear I’ll never try something new again. In fact, the exact opposite has happened; I’ve been shocked and amazed at what a world awaits you if you’re willing to step out, to step up, and to set forth, and challenge yourself to get out of that comfort zone we’ve all been living in for so long.

Live large, live messy! Be your own superhero.

Happy New Year!
xo mkr
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Best Christmas Present Ever!

Today is a huge day!! My fighter for a cousin, Matt is finally going home after a long haul at the hospital. Although it’s a tough road ahead we should all be inspired by Matt’s strength and sheer grit to overcome the unimaginable. He’s got fight in him and he’s showing that Aplastic who’s boss!!

To me, Matt is fearless. The list of fears that I have faced seems trivial when compared to the courage, power, and poise Matt has shown time and time again while handling this unfair and infuriating blood disorder that he has suffered from for more than five years. He is amazing and an inspiration for us all.

Matt was diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia; a life-threatening blood disorder in which your body no longer produces enough new blood cells, so you are fatigued and are at higher risk of infection and uncontrolled bleeding. Immediate hospitalization is necessary for treatment. Treatments include blood transfusions, medications and in severe cases, bone marrow transplantation. Matt has been transfusion dependent for some time now, has been medicated and has now had his bone marrow transplant.

Although Matt’s life has been turned upside down, he’s still going strong, and fighting hard. He is a rarity and a constant reminder of how precious life is and how much it’s worth fighting for. His courage stirs me and continues to amaze me.

Our family is forever in debt to Matt’s bone marrow donor. Matt, you’re one badass dude that I couldn’t be more proud to call family. I love you and thank you a million times over for being such an inspiration to fearlessly set forth in life.

Best Christmas present ever! Enjoy being home Matt 🙂

Find out how you can donate blood –HERE– & become a part of One Match –HERE

You can read a letter Matt wrote to his local newspaper last year –HERE

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Step Outta That Box You’re Livin’ In!

The reason I seem to fall off the face of this blogging life every so often is the simple fact that I seem hell bent on keeping updates on my 100 day fear challenge in chronological order. The funny part is I might be one of the least methodical people when it comes to life, so why on earth am I so strict when it comes to this blog? Today I’m taking the plunge and going out of order! This is a big moment for me folks.

Really was silly of me, and I apologize for not stepping out of that restricting box, one might call limiting, earlier. Day #99 I cut off all my hair for Angel Hair for Kids. Kevin was my new, but trusted hair stylist. He was fabulous; kind, patient, tons of fun, and cute as can be. I loved him and couldn’t be happier with the outcome! He even got an “eeee” out of me when he showed me the final product. If you’re looking for a stylist, you best be visiting Rainbow Expressions on Speers Road in Oakville, ON and ask for Kevin. If you can’t get Kevin, not to worry, you will be in capable hands with any of their stylists.

This was daunting for me. And when I say daunting I mean embarrassing because I was an emotional wreck (wouldn’t say overly but definitely fragile). I thought I might be above the whole vanity thing, and honestly, leading up to the appointment I really did believe that psychologically, I had it beat. Well, turns out I wasn’t at all above it. It was mortifying. At my consultation I was just about in tears as Kevin talked to me about the process. I don’t know what it is about us girls and our hair; it really is our security blanket. It’s crazy that in our society long hair equals beauty, femininity, and sex appeal… Hate it all! (Yet unfortunately, some way, some how I am not above it in any way). Well my fellow women , there is hope and here it is – once you take that leap and chop ‘er off, that’s it!! It’s freeing! It’s fun! It’s so much less work!!

I’ve gone through some of my highest highs and lowest lows with this fear and that worries me. What does that say about me if I was so scared to cut off all my hair?! Am I vain? Am I this awful person that can’t let go of my ego for the better good? What does it mean?!?!?! Obvioulsy this couldn’t come at a better time, as I had told people for quite a while that I was growing my hair out to cut it for cancer, it was a fear of mine and my cousin had just been through chemo. I couldn’t be more pleased that I’ve cut my hair for such a worthy cause. Although I loved my hair, I love the fact that a child might be able to face a painful time in their life with a bit more confidence.

#99 Cut off my hair… CHECK!

goodbye long locks

hello new do

Although it’s just a haircut, it does wonders for a new perspective. So much so that I’m blogging out of order!!! Step outta that box you’re livin’ in and try something new, something daring, something that makes your soul feel good.

It’s so easy to surprise yourself. Find our what you’re really capapble of – quit playing it safe, instead step out of your comfort zone, just for a moment, and find out what you’re really made of.

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OH BOY! Rats are disgusting!

I have now completed what I set out to do – face 100 fears in 100 days. You can check out The Awesome-ness of Fear to see how it all began. The last 10 days were especially important to me. Here’s day 91, 92, 93, 94, and  95.

My last ten fears that were faced…

Rats, truth, death, needles & heights coming in @ 10,9,8,7,6!

#10 FEAR OF RATS!

I don’t know who the jerk was in Halifax that told me degus were in the rat family because believe me, after holding a degu and now a rat, those two are nothing alike. Rats are vile. I thought degus were actually cute for a moment. There wasn’t a sliver of even a millisecond that I thought this rat was cute, cuddly, or any other synonym which portrays anything positive about the dirty rodents with skin tails. Just imagine a skin tail!!!! This fear only made me want to go shower after facing it. If we’re being completely honest, I never even got to hold the thing on my own, that’s how frightened I was and the lady thought I’d throw the thing on the floor and that’d be the last she’d see of it… whatever is what I have to say to her!! So I touched a rat.

#9 FEAR OF SPEAKING OUT

I’ve been liking the tangible fears that really give me this shot of instant adrenaline, like holding a rat/touching a rat, but then there’s that rush I get for sticking up for myself, speaking out, or just saying something I’d usually keep my tongue tied on. I value friendships, relationships in general really are very important to me, but there are most definitely times where I hold my tongue rather than speaking my truth. Perhaps I think it might be easier that way, or I don’t like confrontation, or I’m afraid my friend won’t like what I have to say. Why I don’t speak up all the time is beyond me. Of course there will be times when holding your tongue is the right thing to do, but when someone mistreats you, say something! They’re not worth it if you two can’t work through the argument. Arguments are healthy. It’s impossible to never have differing views on a topic and that’s okay. Point of reference – if you’re fighting all the time, maybe some self reflection and honesty with yourself might be in order, because that’s not healthy either, but an argument here and there is most definitely a good thing. Standing up for yourself is even better!

#8 FEAR OF DEATH

Perhaps morbid, but it is a fear of mine. I think it’s a fear in all of us. It forever looms over each of us, affects us all, and touches us at one point or another. It’s bizarre that every minute of every day death is touching someone, some way, somehow, and yet the world goes on, just as it did. I think that’s the hard part. Life goes on and we’re left to somehow unravel a way to continue on with our lives with this gaping hole, in a way we won’t forget our loved one. There’s no method for grievance, no preparing us for the inevitable, it’s a matter of life we’re all left to face. If I am able to prolong someone’s life, or even save it, I will. Today I signed up for One Match, a stem cell and marrow network.

A landmark moment for One Match from One Match’s website:

“2007 marks a major shift for the Unrelated Bone Marrow Donor Registry. Bone marrow is the home of ‘stem cells’ which are the building blocks of blood itself. However, stem cells are also found in the peripheral blood stream (circulating blood) and in umbilical cord blood.

Canadian Blood Services supports the collection of stem cells from both the peripheral blood stream and bone marrow. Therefore, to better reflect the changes in stem cell donation and increase awareness and recognition of the organization, the Unrelated Bone Marrow Donor Registry is renamed OneMatch Stem Cell and Marrow Network.”

#7 FEAR OF NEEDLES

I gave blood today. I don’t know why it hasn’t become easier for me. Look at me, already making people nervous to give blood. In all honesty, it’s not a big deal at all; pretty sure it’s just a psychological thing, but it’s mind over matter, as I always say PLUS you get juice boxes and cookies! What could be better? Canadian Blood Services is an amazing organization with some unbelievable people who work for them. They are sure to make you feel comfortable the whole way through, whether it’s your first time giving blood, or your hundredth time giving blood. Their tag line is bang on, It’s in your to give, and it’s in such need. I’m still a little embarrassed to say that it took someone very close to me to be blood transfusion dependent before I starting giving blood, but I suppose it is one of those things, you don’t think about until you’re directly affected. My cousin Matt is this remarkable individual who was blood transfusion dependent and I think he is fearless. Facing the fear of needles is the smallest of support I can lend and I will, again and again. Please read the letter Matt wrote just over a year ago -HERE-. Save a life.

#6 FEAR OF HEIGHTS

Promise we looked cooler than that and didn’t even have a guide!!

This was amazing! My poor friend Dragana, who is deathly afraid of heights, being the good friend she is came along with me to face this fear! We went to a high ropes course in London where we got strapped in, then let loose at 40 feet in the air. If you’re unfamiliar with high ropes, think suspended obstacle course/tight rope walking; in other words, awesomeness. Before getting up there I wouldn’t have said I was afraid of heights, but many were quick to tell me, the fear of heights is actual innate (perhaps why bungee jumping and sky diving are still in business ?!), we’re all afraid of heights when it comes down to it! I’d highly recommend checking out high ropes for anyone and everyone! No pun intended! Mind you, the guys who work there might chirp you if you go slow… yes, they chirped me because those asshole 8 year olds were showing me up. Kids are fearless, ugh to be them!!

My last 5 fears that I faced are coming soon!!

@5,4,3,2,1 we’ve got embarrassment, cooking, spiders, ugliness, and singing in public… OH BOY!

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Ten Ten Ten

My blasted internet hasn’t been working for me to get this up. What a way to end this whole thing! As I’ve said time and time again, c’est la vie, and it will go on. On that note let’s get down to the last ten days.

Yikes. How have 100 days come and gone? Of course it ends up like all things; on the one hand it seems like yesterday this adventure began and on the other hand, feels like a lifetime ago. The last 10 days. It’s all so final. Leading up to the end, I kept asking myself, what to do? I was in search of an intense 10 things as I believe you should always end on a strong note!

Top ten most common fears amongst us all are as follows… (*This list is drawn from quite a few resources and when I say quite a few I mean maybe 3. Tops.) Here they are:

  1. Fear of flying.
  2. Fear of public speaking.
  3. Fear of heights.
  4. Fear of the dark.
  5. Fear of intimacy.
  6. Fear of death.
  7. Fear of failure.
  8. Fear of rejection.
  9. Fear of spiders.
  10. Fear of commitment.

No doubt, this is a great list, but I thought some of the more abstract fears such as intimacy, death and commitment would be a little difficult to tackle in just 10 days. I did try my best to meet a few of the top ten most common fears.

Here’s how my list of 100 fears faced rounded off.
At # 10. Fear of rats
# 9. Fear of speaking out
# 8. Fear of death
# 7. Fear of needles
# 6. Fear of heights
# 5. Fear of embarrassment
# 4. Fear of embarrassment/cooking. (This might seem ridiculous but until you’ve seen me in a kitchen I think it’s hard to understand what a big deal this is for me)
# 3. Fear of spiders
# 2. Fear of ugliness
And at # 1. Fear of singing in public.

Pictures and back story to come! …As soon as I stop acting like Zoolander and figure out how to retrieve the message that my router box tells me I have. On my list of things to do: become more tech savvy. Perhaps my next challenge, “Today I learned html.” Sounds riveting.

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Where the hell have I been?

Haven’t been to my blog in nearly a month and wordpress has gone and changed the look.  Oy vay. My apologies! I don’t think I could even begin to explain my absence. Oh wait, here’s my overview of MMMMMOOOVEMBERRRRRR!

CHECK OUT   Day 1 – 30Day 31 – 61

MOVEMBER Day 62 – 90

First off, to all you peeps that grew a mustache for prostate cancer – much love to you!! Growing that facial hair on account of a good cause should not go unmentioned!! *I did not grow a mustache for the event, but appreciate those who did.

Nov. 1- Fear of H1N1 instilled in all of us. Broski was sick and I still hugged him!!! Bitch slapped that H1N1 in the face. I’m tough. I might also be afraid of intimacy. The fear of intimacy is in the top ten most common fears folks. You are not alone!

Nov. 2- I am alarmed about the topic of obesity. My sister and I thought mini sugar donuts and beer was a good choice after volleyball. Noooo sir. I started working out tonight. It’s been over two weeks since my 10km run. I don’t have an excuse.

Nov. 3- Fear of not delivering. I might have stretched the truth in delivering a certain something and then it got lost in the mail. I would not accept failure so I did everything in my power to produce! I did, but will NEVER AGAIN use FedEx!!!!

Nov. 4- I held a snake. A very small one but nonetheless it was a snake. Pet man was very friendly. It was his new ‘baby’… MMMMAGINE I ever bought a snake and called it my ‘baby’. Pet names aren’t cool. No pun intended.

Nov. 5- Again, scared to share my work. Shared what my friend and I had been working on for so long for a charity event in Toronto. The ladies assured us, they loved it. The Darling Home For Kids’ A Night In New York! raised $120,000 NOT BAD, NOT BAD AT ALL! Huge thanks to all that supported the event!

Nov. 6- I tried cottage cheese. That shit is disgusting, but I wouldn’t have known I still hate it unless I tried, so I did. Yuck.

Nov. 7- Scared of barn animals. Not sure if this is the hygiene factor or the size or maybe actually liking them and then fitting the stereotype of small town kids, but I fear barn animals, so I went down to the Royal Winter Fair with my grandparents and LOVED IT! Horse jumping is probably the coolest sport, ever! I love it! Cows are amazing. They even get their hair ‘did’- yes, with BLOW DRYERS!!! It’s some serious business showing your cows. I saw the best of the best and loved it.

Nov. 8- Shared the wedding photos I took last month with the happy new couple. We sat together on the couch, me playing monkey in the middle as we looked through all the photos. Karen and Dave, I’m forever in debt to you for building my confidence, and being so reassuring that I could do it. Sharing your day meant a lot to me and I’m glad I was the person able to capture your memories on film.

Nov. 9- Holy Jeeze, scared to kill the earth! Green I am, but I have so much to learn about the earth and green happenings. Read a fantastic article in Reader’s Dijest about a woman who has gone above and beyond your wildest dreams in a quest to save the earth. Ignorance is bliss and unfortunately this life lesson is becoming crystal clear with each piece of information I gather and the older I get. I’m scared for the fate of my our future! It’s our moral challenge of our age; to save the earth. Easy to ignore, but simple action can change this fate. A change in your diet alone can cut about ½ of what’s needed to avoid the worst effects of global warming. No, you don’t need to become a hippie vegan; simply cut back on meat consumption. It’ll do wonders for your health too. Just an added bonus.

Nov. 10- Paranormal Activity. Demons scare me.

Nov. 11- Back to trying to teach myself guitar after a short five month break. Scared of the failure I suppose? I’m at a loss with this one and why I’m always so scared to get back at it. Maybe just worried I’ll damage my family’s hearing.

Nov. 12- Fear of putting a pen to paper. DO NOT ASK ME WHY. I’m pretty sure this goes back to fear of failure. Regardless, the fear is there and I did all that I could in my physical power to sit at my desk and not allow myself to move from my desk until I started what a literary agent told me I should ‘most definitely pursue.’ Sometimes my own stupidity/fears really shock me, amaze me, and piss me off.

Nov. 13- Scared to think outside the box. Inspired by David Hall to pursue what I think is meaningful and beautiful. Art is important, so embrace it! Seriously though, check it out HERE.

Call me ultra lame but I made the next few days about trying new foods or foods I’m sure I hate… Before this experiment I was sure the only things in the world I don’t like are anchovies and olives. NEWS FLASH – there is some nasty ass shit out there to be tried. Enjoy.

Nov. 14- Black liquorice… Still REVOLTING to me. That taste is simply god awful!

Nov. 15- Seaweed stew from some little Korean joint in the city. No thank you ever again. Apparently I hate a lot of foods. Still wouldn’t dare call myself a picky eater. Trying these foods I think proves that.

Nov. 16- Pickled eggs from my local Denningers. I just had a gag reflex thinking about it again. I kept it down, but just barely.

Nov. 17- This may sound ridiculous, but jello. My dad has always hated jello because of its consistency. Well, that has now rubbed off on me, so to rev up this challenge I found jello/tofu pie. This is what I’m told is in it; 3 oz. box of jello- any flavour, 1 box silken tofu (firm), 1 graham cracker crust (reduced fat). Do not accept this if it is offered to you. I’m just dumb and sought out tofu jello as I don’t eat meat. I mean that jello ham salad they have at the grocery store would’ve been perfect but we don’t live in a perfect world so I did what I could.

Nov. 18- I had had enough of this food business at this point so I decided today would be the last. I looked up weird food combinations that people like. Well, turns out a lot of people believe grilled cheese sandwiches paired with dill pickles on them are delicious. Also, people seem to believe peanut butter sandwiches mixed with anything/everything disgusting under the sun are just divine… I chose the grilled cheese and pickles combo. Hardly worthy of a gag-like reflex the pickled eggs gave me, but definitely not how I will be eating my future grilled cheese sandwiches.

Nov. 19- Worked at the gallery tonight for an opening reception where you get to meet the artists. I’m always scared to tell the artists when their art really means something to me, but with courage on my side for the evening, I spoke to one artist about his work and let him know how inspiring it was. He was extremely gracious and very thankful I shared my sentiments with him.

Nov. 20- Home alone over night. I’ve been living with quite a few roommates for a very long time so to be thrown a night on my own was really scary. Believe me, you hear every creek! Yes, I’m well aware at this point what a pussy I am.

Nov. 21- Tonight I learned a lot of hard life lessons. Life lessons can suck. The worst part is that you’ve usually heard them before and you already know the life lesson, but until you learn them firsthand, you’re screwed and susceptible. Tonight I faced the fear of trying to please everyone and failing miserably. C’est la vie and it won’t happen again. Sometimes you gotta look out for numero uno!

Nov. 22- Applied to Axe Canada. Now, this is a fear for many reasons. 1.You really have to put yourself out there. 2.Some see it as immoral… I say to them, it is what you make it! 3.I had to share a terribly embarrassing video where I pimp myself out (that’s putting it mildly) with co-workers because I’m not as tech savvy as I’d like to believe. This video is also being shared with complete strangers. Amazing.

Nov. 23- This whole challenge has brought out how much I worry about what other people think of me. Well thankfully a friend of mine pointed out that often times it’s your friendly self who is the most judgmental and I have to agree. Don’t get me wrong, there will be times in life that others will judge you, but more often than not you think someone is judging you when it’s just you being the only idiot judging yourself. Wow, have you lost me yet? Now conscious of this tidbit I felt a bit more empowered as I enter the last leg of my challenge. Scary thought swallowing the fact that I might be the biggest obstacle in my own life.

Nov. 24- I’m scared to death of losing a loved one. Life’s precious, don’t ever take it for granted, and realize how lucky you are to have your health. Matt went into the hospital today to prepare for his bone marrow transplant. He is fearless! I didn’t ignore today – instead took special note of how scared I am but also to note how fragile we all are. We’re not invincible and that’s a frightening fact.

Nov. 25- Homichlophobia: Fear of fog. I promised my sister I would help her paint today and although terrified of driving in the fog, I faced that blanket of fog head on. I don’t drive often and the last time I drove in fog I wrapped my car around a pole so this was kind of a big deal for me. I must really love my sister!

Nov. 26- Fear of objects flying at my head. I went to the batting cages. Pretty sure the last time I held a baseball bat was when I played T-ball, so you can imagine how good I was; obviously not embarrassing but definitely not good. We started slow and worked our way up. I think I tried to improve too quickly because I really couldn’t keep up. Meh, faced the fear of embarrassing myself and also having objects fly at my head.

Nov. 27- Apparently a lot of people are frightened when it comes to crossing bridges. By no means am I trying to lessen this fear, but it’s not one I have ever even considered. Today I decided to test myself and head down to what I thought would be considered a cool bridge. There’s this massive tree that lies across Bronte Creek where I run and I’ve seen people fish from there or use it to cross the creek. Mind you this creek is pretty big and at this time of year the water’s pretty strong! Turns out it was a bit nerve-racking. So, to all you people who think you’re fearless and hardcore: I once thought that, but once you start testing yourself, turns out we’re not so badass after all, or at least as badass as we’d like to think.

Nov. 28- I may have applied to another ridiculous job that requires me really putting myself out there; whether or not I actually want these jobs as much as I want to test myself is still up for debate.

Nov. 29- Another photo shoot ladies and gents. Although you’re behind the camera as a photographer, you are center stage for the people you’re photographing and that is the part that scares the shit out of me. They may or may not have huge expectations but I know how high my expectations are so I really do psych myself out. Again, damn it, I’m in my own way! Still did it so I’m counting it as a fear faced. It is getting easier, promise.

Nov. 30- LAST TEN DAYS! Coming Soon!!!! Tomorrow, actually, because tomorrow is the last day. Where the hell have the last 100 days gone?? Can’t wait to recap the highlights!

Check back because you WON’T want to miss the last 10!!

Much love to anyone who cared enough to follow parts of this adventure, all of it, really whatever part you may have played, I am so appreciative and have had such a blast!! Thank you. xo mkr

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Paranormal Activity

Day 71: Another scary movie.

Well, I’m not getting any better with scary movies. I’m a child when it comes to horror films, but I love them. At least I don’t scream. Hate screamers.

Oren Peli’s film, Paranormal Activity takes documentary form when a young couple decides to film their lives in an attempt to capture the paranormal activity that haunts them during the night. The film follows Micah, a day trader, and Katie, an English student who claims to have been haunted since the age of 8, as a demon presence manifests itself. Micah is skeptical and provides comic relief throughout, while Katie provides the scares with her creepy weirdo chick vibe. She does provide a bit of comic relief along the way with her excessive use of the ‘f’ word, mainly directed at Micah for not taking the haunting seriously.

Paranormal Activity’s success lies in its suspense. Dependent on the viewer’s imagination to run rampant, this film gives you little to work with but proves the less you see, the more intense the horror. Each night the camera is set up in the same position where we’re left with little movement and a simple time counter in the bottom right corner. Your eyes dart between the time counter and the bedroom door as you wait, to see what happens when you go to sleep.

This film is unpretentious and shocking in how well it works in an age of media madness and shock value entertainment. Perhaps the fear comes from the unknown and unfamiliar. Without music to direct our emotions or reactions we’re left on our own, in uncharted territory for most.

As previously mentioned, I’m a child when it comes to horror films but once I rose above the terrifying bit, the whole thing was quite freeing. I love the demon idea; it’s exciting and unfamiliar. The dark unknown aspect of life is a an experience that stirs questions and unease within all of us. Darkness provokes fear and for whatever reason allows for the unknown to surface. Paranormal Activity offers a scare for the blase cyber generation who are bored with Hollywood.

Lessons I learned from Paranormal Activity: You LEAVE a bitch if she’s dealing with demons!

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61 days down, 39 to go

God, who do I think I am?? Post about my new subscription feature (on sidebar –>) and never post again. Conceited much!?! That’s not me; my sincerest apologies. Here’s the rundown of October. 61 days down, 39 to go.

You can check out THE AWESOME-NESS OF FEAR to see what this challenge is all about.

Check out day 1 – 30HERE

31. Fear of what others think: threw that care away and gave a homeless man money. Being a small town girl in the big city of New York stirred these surprising moments of adventure and self reflection that only new places can bring about.

32. Fear of the unknown aaaand spraining an ankle, and getting lost, and strangers who could attack me, etc. etc. I ran off the path in an unknown place, very far from home… literally, not metaphorically (Bronx River Parkway in New York while training for my first 10km race). My aunt will not be happy if she sees this.

33. Fear of going back on my word. I did something I said I wouldn’t. Now, this one works both ways. I’m always afraid to go back on my word, probably because I want to stick to it, but sometimes it’s okay to go back on your word. Have I lost you yet? Well, point is, I did something I said I wouldn’t… I’m probably uneasy about it because I do what I say and I say what I mean, so now where does that leave me!?!

34. I broke my own rules. I went against my own set of rules that have been very strategically set for when it comes to the opposite sex. Shall leave it at that.

35. Interview with Lit Agent… WTF?! Lord knows how this one fell in my lap, but it did and I thank my lucky stars everyday. I was petrified.

36. Afraid of rejection, but put myself out there… aaaand got rejected. Awesome.

37. Finally sat down to pull together a business plan of sorts for a program I’ve been putting together for young women. Scared to make it real; scared to follow through. Believe me, this following through business is a big one for me. It must have something to do with the fear of failure. We shall see.

October Wedding

38. Bought a bridal magazine. I’m not a romantic, nor have I ever imagined my wedding and I would like to say that traditional just isn’t my bag, so to pick up a bridal magazine before boarding a plane was a scary thing for me. Again, the “what will people think??” or worse, I didn’t want whoever I sat beside to think I was that lame girl who plans her wedding before there’s even an engagement ring on her finger. Then I realized, if they ask I can just let them know the truth of why I bought it, which is for my first ever wedding photography gig.

39. Scared of these Darling Home meetings (charity committee for their annual gala). Again, the not being liked, the fear they will reject another one of my ideas… God I’m sounding lame and insecure at this point.

40. New fear: high heels. Lesson learned at work from some old broad; verbatim, “Don’t wear heels or you’ll need surgery.” Oh, and, “You won’t have your youth forever.” Thank you woman for not letting me leave work feeling too good about myself. Whatever, she’s now instilled the fear of heels in me and I still wear those things!

41. Gas light came on and I played the old Kramer game – see how far you can go before your car dies. Nothing like a Sunday drive. Fear of getting stranded on the side of the road. I suppose being stranded anywhere on my own is a fear of mine. Really though, what 22 year old girl wants to be stranded anywhere all alone? It’s what horror films are made of!!

42. First ever dry family event (for everyone). It was short and sweet. I really have nothing more to say about it. Short and sweet.

43. Ate dinner at a restaurant by myself. I’ve done it before and can’t remember if it was a fear of mine or if I was even uncomfortable. Interesting thing is, before I started this challenge and was asking people for suggestions, almost everyone I asked mentioned dining alone. So I’m really not even sure if this was my own fear or others. The “fear” I suppose was heightened seeing that it was in my hometown that I haven’t lived in since I was 17 years old. Met a nice new friend and found time to finish my book – most definitely worth dining alone.

windows of opportunity

44. Confronted old hags about their hate crimes on the earth! These ladies left their car idling while they smoked their dirty cigarettes. The nerve of some people! Take that window of opportunity and say what’s on your mind.

45. Took photos for family friends and my sister’s real estate listing. Taking photos for people I know is a bit daunting. Homes are the pride and joy of most people so I wanted to make sure these photos were great and did the home justice.

60 Mae Court Campbellville

46. Ran my first 10km race (in the dark and in costumes) with my friend Laine.

47. Wedding day! Not mine. Not facing that fear during my 100 day challenge! It was my first gig as a wedding photographer. I was all on my own and the memories of the day were left in my hands.

K&D

48. Sought out some zombies at Wonderland’s Halloween Haunt. Faced a pill poppin’ techno beat blastin’ laser light RAAAAAAGE! This place will change you.

49. Tried an overhand serve with my new beach volleyball team. That shit’s not like riding a bike. Doesn’t matter how many years you played rep volleyball! The serve ended badly and I got kicked off the team. DON’T DO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU – IT’LL PROBABLY END BADLY! OMG! Just kidding!!! I didn’t get kicked off the team. Instead we all just shared a laugh at how awful it was and agreed I should stick to underhand until I start lifting weights, which I refuse to do, so underhand it is!! (Weights are another fear of mine. The whole gym thing in general, really.)

50. EFFED THE DOG HARD… I don’t have a fabulous fear I faced for day fifty and how good would that have been?! “Fifty fears faced” UUUGHHHHHH! I will perform twice in one day before this thing is done. I WILL have 100 things by the end of this challenge!

51. Attended a conference for social media – new people, new surroundings, going to learn new stuff… it’s all scary. I’m out of practice when it comes to lectures. By the by, this thing was awful and they tried feeding me my free meal in a brown bag! Rude.

52. New position in hot yoga – standing on your head is no simple task and to trust yourself not to break your own neck is a frightening feat!

Happy Birthday Ange!!

53. Because I am no longer a student, nor do I go out like I did while living in FUNdon, I’m now very out of shape when it comes to drinking. Mmm let me rephrase. I’m out of shape in terms of drinking liquor. Wine is another story my friends! So, at my friend’s 30th b-day party I agreed to the aqua coloured shot called Hypnotic. Never again. That shit is rancid and there’s nothing hip about it.

54. Called to book my first ever Fantasia party. Not only that, but also visited my first stag shop. My sister pulled into the parking lot and said we weren’t leaving until I went in. I learned a lot, saw too much, and realized this Fantasia party might just be hilarious. Also found out how funny porno titles can be… might just be my new favourite game!

The buzz on bees

55. Bees. They ruined my first day of grade 1 and I hold a grudge! I also know how badly my body swells up when one of those things lays into me, so I’m scared of bees, or so I thought. Turns out we should hate wasps, not bees! Eff wasps.

56. Filmed my video application for Axe Canada with Tina. Don’t like being in front of the camera because I’m an awkward mess. I’m also quite a passive person and to say I’m applying for this job means I’m all of a sudden going to have to be an aggressive individual.

57. Sent off my first ever real press release to my boss. He said he liked it. Mostly because I pimped him out hard in the press release, I’m sure of it. What can I say? He’s a talented guy! You should most definitely check Mr. David Hall out – veerrrryyy talented director and filmmaker.

58. Hot yoga by myself. Didn’t even realize this was intimidating for me until it was happening. I guess I just always seem to have someone to go with, but going on my own was an entirely new experience. It was a good one, just new and uncomfortable and a little tricky to get into.

59. Went to see Suzanne Somers give a talk at the convention center in Toronto. Yes, the mom from Step By Step. Don’t be jealous. She opened my eyes to the world of cancer and the world of mistreating your body. This also stirred the worry of being ill-informed or worse, uninformed. Somers represents alternative medicine and the medical world pretty much hates her for everything she represents, nonetheless, she brings a new perspective that I will continue to work hard to inform myself about. I’m most definitely fearful of becoming an uninformed individual.

first time shooter

60. Guns. I think this speaks for itself. GUNS. GUNS. GUNS. Those are some powerful beasts that should not be taken lightly. Never have I had a high quite like I had as I shot my first gun. I’d do it again in a second.

61. Scared of getting old. My girlfriend asked me last-minute if I’d like to go out in Toronto for Hallow’s eve. Of course I said yes, but like I mentioned earlier, I don’t go out much anymore… at least to clubs. So there I was. How quickly you forget the scene – eye sex all over the place, so much ass grabbing, and how simple it is for women to get a drink bought for her! None of this appeals to me. Worst part, I didn’t know any of the songs these kids were singing along to. I’m scared of getting old and falling out of the loop of life. I’ve now gained some perspective and realized “getting young” in clubs is for desperate fools and that music was the worst so why would I want to know those songs anyways?! Faced it and I’ll probably face it again, because bottom line, I love to dance!

Hallow's eve Oct. 30th in TO

My apologies that it took me this long to get October’s rundown out there, but there it is. 1 missed day – blast it!!!!! Promise, I’m thinking I will make up for it on day 100 🙂

So, where does all this leave me? Honestly, a bit stressed out. This is much harder than anticipated. It’s hard to find something everyday that scares you, but I’m doing my best. I do feel like I hit a bit of a low this month and ran dry for ideas for a while, but I’ve regained my excitement as we near the end.

I’m still doing this blindly but consider it a success that I’m still moving forward. I mean, it’s gotta count for something, right?!. The best part of this challenge has been the simple task of taking action. This whole thing has made me an active person in the sense that I’m engaged with the world in a way I’ve never been before. Talking gets tiresome and I was ready to take action and search out experiences that test you, that make you uncomfortable, and that show you something new.

You’ll never learn a thing about yourself always playing it safe!

xo mkr

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