Tag Archives: fear

stay hungry. stay foolish.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

“Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

RIP Steve Jobs, the Willy Wonka of Electronics

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are you willing to sacrifice the comfort of your known world for infinite possibilities?

“This life has an infinite number of potentials for you; we live in a made to order Universe. Whatever you believe is possible for you and take consistent action upon is what becomes your reality. If you keep telling yourself that your dream isn’t possible, you will come to find that you are absolutely right.  

But my friend, if you draw a line in the sand and tell the Universe that your dreams are a reality RIGHT NOW, and take action as if that were the case, you will come to find that you are absolutely right. The question is how long can you live in the fire of your dreams manifestation?The price you have to pay to live your dream is facing your deepest darkest fear and the reward you receive from this courageous act is the realization that your fear was an illusion and that your dreams were always real.So I ask you, my friend, are you willing to go there? Are you willing to sit in fire and sacrifice the comfort of your known world for the potential of something amazing, new and unknown? Don’t you want to find out what’s on the other side of your fear?

Living in fear is so last season, if you want to be happy and really live your dream you have to take a stand and just put yourself out there. You might fail, yes indeed – but, you might, you just might succeed too! Don’t you want to find out? Either way your life will never be the same… Can you handle it?”   

– Jackson Kiddard, author & polymath.
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28 Days with a Grateful Heart ♥ Day 7

I am grateful for FEARS.

Fears teach us that good can come from bad; that we can learn something from our darkest days, and that we are not invincible, but we sure can overcome a lot. Fears bring out vulnerabilities that are that much better when we even just scratch the surface. Fears are natural. Fears are something we can all overcome and learn a lot about ourselves along the way.

I’m forever thankful for fears because without them – I’d be lost.

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small pleasures

It seems the unfamiliar makes us a little uneasy, a wee bit timid, maybe even sad, and at times even scared. We fear the unknown. Why is this? My mom wasn’t having the greatest of days today. “Pissed off at life,” she said. My mother is this beautiful woman, and not just beautiful in the physical sense but far beyond! She has a radiant heart; one that is kind, one that is giving, and one that has endured life and all its unexpected moments with grace. Her humour is something that has shaped her and her smile is just another facet of what makes her so beautiful, so when I saw an unfamiliar face today it made me sad. Why?

Simply put, I was fearful of the unknown. I was fearful of an unfamiliar face and fearful of the darkness that resides in all of us. Positivity is preached everywhere now it seems. I get it – I went to see the Dalai Lama speak of peace, I’ve heard what a big deal Oprah is and her quest to better the world by making us each live our lives to the fullest. I take a gander in the “self help” section of Chapters every once in a while. Is this why I’m fearful of bad days, a sad face, and the unfamiliar darker side of life?

I think we’re all warranted to those bad days, sad times, and being uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations. It’s simple to be thankful for the big things in our lives: our health, our family, our home. That’s the easy stuff – that’s the familiar stuff. We should be thankful for these blessings but also find solace in the unfamiliar seemingly negative aspects of life, and see that everything is a blessing if we are willing to look hard enough.

Be thankful for the darker side of life; the uncertainties, the inconsistencies, the curveballs and the shit that is dealt to each and every one of us. We don’t need to be having the best day everyday. I think it’s okay to be pissed off at life every once in a while, but remember that the unfamiliar grants us these amazing opportunities of new adventure and new perspective.

Maybe the big things weren’t working out for my mom in that exact moment but it granted her this awesome opportunity to come back to the small stuff and find beauty in the unexpected. Being forced to find the joy in the small stuff is a blessing.

The Bike Nerd put so poetically when he said, “We all have our reasons why we could be grumpy everyday, or we can find “stamp-size” things in our life and let ourselves smile.” For me, it’s Madeleine cookies (not only for their name but also their deliciousness). For my mom, it was a simple email from a friend and an unexpected coffee.

Revel in those small pleasures – life’s a lot sweeter when you do.

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Life is overwhelming

Hi Team!

Day 52 and I can’t lie… this challenge has become quite difficult. Life, ya know. It gets in the way! I can honestly say that I made it 49 days without missing a single day of doing something the scares me and then WHAMO, the big half way point comes and I effed the dog hard. NOTHING. I’ll make up for the missed day 50 for sure, but let me tell ya, this ain’t as easy as I thought it would be!

I’ll more than make up for missing day 50. I mean I’m off to the gun range next week and I’m visiting a bee farm on Sunday! Life is overwhelming. Plain and simple.

Things to do this weekend:

– De-clutter my life to de-clutter my brain!
– Catch up on all the jobs that have had to take the backseat to a little thing I call life.
– Change my room around, it’s making me depressed and no one wants to be depressed!

Still on my quest for excitement… just falling a little behind. xo mkr

Sidenote: Don’t you love Halloween?? It gives everyone an entire month to let their evil shine through. Allows the neighbours to be all dark without having to worry about being judged! I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!

halloween is awesome!

Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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Lingerie

Day Thirteen (Sunday September 13th) Scared of lingerie shopping.

Ever have those out of body experiences? Well, that’s pretty much me in a lingerie shop. I don’t know why this is. Perhaps a scaring incident that involved my sister a few years back. Perhaps not. Regardless, I can’t help but wonder what guys are feeling when they walk into a lingerie shop. Horrified? Horny? Humbled they’re not a woman? Envious they’re not a woman? So I asked my dad…

‘Dad, how do you feel in a lingerie shop?’ He gives me a questioning side glance so I continue, ‘Like a woman’s lingerie shop!’

“OH! That! It’s exciting,” he says. “Don’t get in there much.” He pauses and bounces back with, “then again, I don’t get out much.” Oh God, I think. He continues, “It’s fun, usually have a few laughs. Get in there and ask the ladies to show me [some] stuff.” I’m pretty sure he  said “their stuff” but I’m hoping I just misheard him. He comes full stop (from buttering his bun with Becel/plastic shit which is an entirely different story and argument in our house) and asks, “Why are you asking, Maddi? You’re weirding me out.” End of conversation.

I really do enjoy beautiful undergarments; it’s just the process of getting them! As we all know, undergarments are a necessity, so this is a fear I have faced before and will face time and time again. Off I go.

I do not go alone, as the idea of a strange woman; usually old and usually foreign, as my aid comforts me in no way. I am careful with my selection of who comes; usually a very close friend and usually someone who loves lingerie shopping. So we go.

My girlfriend gets right into it! She picks through the piles like some skilled specialist in the art of lingerie. It all reminded me a bit of watching discovery channel when they’re illustrating how animals are so instinctive in their behaviour and quite proficient. She’s standing there holding them up over her clothes and then there are the massive piles of thongs and bins of bras and the loud-talking sales woman and there I am, mortified amongst it all, thinking, there’s really nothing romantic about this… The mass produced thongs, the bright lights, the loud talking sales women with microphones to correspond with other sales associates… Maybe I’m just going to the wrong shops all together!

I hope I haven’t tainted lingerie for any of the men out there or taken away the allure of it, but truth is, these magical items don’t just exist in our drawers, they have to be bought and for some of us, this can be quite a painful experience.

I didn’t think a picture of me in my new purchases was suitable, nor PG rated so there are no photos to go along with this post.

See The Awesome-ness of fear for what this 100 day challenge is all about.

Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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Give blood

Day Eight (Tuesday September 8th) Scared to give blood

Surely, we all have mornings that we drag ourselves out of bed, faintly remember getting ready for the day and finally find ourselves mindlessly downing coffee just to get through the day. Imagine not being able to shake that feeling. Imagine a relentless fatigue that hangs over you when for your entire life you’ve been this healthy and strong individual with seemingly endless energy.

Meet my cousin Matt; a 24 year old fighter who has been living with a rare blood disorder for over five years now. He has been diagnosed with Severe Aplastic Anemia, a life-threatening blood disorder in which your body no longer produces enough new blood cells so you are fatigued and are at higher risk of infection and uncontrolled bleeding. Immediate hospitalization is necessary for treatment. Treatments include blood transfusions, medications and in severe cases, bone marrow transplantation. Matt has been transfusion dependent for some time now, has been medicated and is now waiting for a bone marrow transplant.

Matt’s life has been turned completely upside down with his blood disorder and yet has continued to take every hurdle in stride. He’s a rarity and reminds me how fortunate I am to even have the option of giving blood. Sad truth is, for me, it took a family member, a cousin I love so dearly and look up to with such admiration who is blood transfusion dependent to realize what a gift I am able to give.

To me, Matt is fearless. Although giving blood is a scary thought, I think of the amount of time Matt has spent in hospitals and the weight he has endured just to stay smiling and well… All it takes for me to give blood is less than a half hour and some juice and cookies! The comparison in itself makes my stomach turn that I would be at all scared to give blood. Sure, needles are scary but the trade off is more than worthy. Give blood and you san save up to three lives.

I realize my cousin never thought he would need blood and yet, here we are. I love you Matt and I give blood for you and for everyone else that never thought they’d need it.

Find out how you can give blood – HERE

Matt wrote a letter to his local newspaper last year and you can see it – HERE

Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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Day seven – this “scary” biz is working – throwing caution to the wind!

In throwing caution to the wind you can really surprise yourself!!

WELL, today I signed up for a 10km ghost run or something ridiculous. HA! Yes, I would find the only run that is offered at night and has a Halloween theme to it!! Why wouldn’t you want to run in costume with a light attached to your forehead?! Okay, I’m not actually going in costume (as of now at least) but I’ll definitely be sporting that head gear. No shame. This 10km run is in preparation for the half marathon my friend Laine and I will be running shortly after.

So I hit the pavement this evening, first time in quite a while because I’ve been a lazy slob with every excuse possible for the past little while! Inspiration for this run is actually in thanks to my mum who left a leaflet on my bed about a 10km run being offered this morning- a hint?! Who knows, love her dearly and although too late to sign up for that one, I went and found another. Thanks mom! I do love running but to run a “race” is pretty fucking scary so of course I got my butt out there tonight. To be scared of working out is complete crap when I think about it… nothing but benefits and the funny thing is one of my fears is definitely becoming an overweight slob so I better kick this fear of working out in the ass in order to not allow that other fear of mine to come true!! You see, everything comes full circle.

Lordy, I’m growing to love this challenge. Jumping into a lot of things that are wicked fun and that test me. Pretty exciting not knowing what the next day holds but knowing I’ll be doing something that scares me!! I believe some serious reflection will be in order soon times. Quit being so quiet out there and share some of your fears with me!!

Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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I haven’t forgot

Promise this doing stuff I’m scared of has continued and prospered… just seems harder to sit at the computer on a regular basis than I thought it would be. I will work on carving out a specific time to give updates on these fears.

Some quick updates- the vampire inspired photo shoot in the graveyard (day three) was awesome in a bloodcurdling way. I guess, as per usual, I didn’t really think it through on how ridiculous the notion of going into a graveyard at night would be. I mean it’s one thing to walk through a cemetery at night, another to set up shop, light candles, and jump all over tombstones to “get the shot.” Sorry Betty Davis!
Yesterday (day four) I finally put a pen to paper about the scaring experience I had while on my road trip and a fear I should have faced while there to likely avert the end of a friendship and buying a plane ticket home to YYZ from Halifax. Speaking to the fear I experienced is scary in itself. As soon as I can get long enough to type that up, I will share… until then I’m off to work, then to find something else I’m scared of (or maybe I’ll get lucky at work)!

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Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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Day one – eff you dagu (sp?!)

Firstly, this may be short and sweet and may make absolutely no sense at all as I am sitting in an internet cafe- Paperchase, in Halifax, Nova Scotia paying 13 cents a minute. Shits not free!

Day one was a success! I set out to find some rats because they are undoubtedly my number one fear. We’re talking physical reaction, want to vomit even just thinking about those futile rodents with nasty skin tails!! So Pets Unlimited in Truro?! Who knows, this road trip hasn’t been easy and I’ve lost track of the cities… anyways the petshop didnt’ have rats (what a shame!!!!) Andrew, the assistant manager, who is now a huge part of my life said no rats, but have one feeder mouse, “wanna hold that?” I will mention that I consciously went and ate dinner before facing this fear because I knew there was a chance I might throw up and no one wants to throw up on an empty stomach!! Stomach bile isn’t cool and that hurts. SO! Turns out this single feeder mouse wasn’t very friendly so he tells me about this “dagu”. Yes, I also said, “what the hell’s a dagu?” (Apparently I’m not very friendly when I’m about to face me some fears!!!!) He tells me this things hail from Africa?! Who knows and when I’m not paying for this internet business, mark my words, I will research it!

My side effects from facing this fear of vile rodents: flushed face, increased heart rate and the shakes. So, is this healthy?! Input welcome! At this rate, I believe I could stop working out for the next 99 days if this is how hard I will be making my heart work or if I can find a way to bottle this high I got, I’d be rich… just saying.

I guess I should say, yes, I held that thing. I’m not about to go out and buy one, that’s for damn sure but I held the filthy thing. For a split second, and for no more I actually thought he was sort of cute. Sort of. Anywayyyyyyyys, check mark for holding a dagu. Rats are still on the list. Good thing the shop didn’t have any because I probably would’ve pussed out and had to come here and write, “Day one – complete and utter failure.”

dirty dagu

me holding dirty dagu

Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!

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