Fresh from what was a truly an outstanding two weeks in New York. That city is all they say it is and gets better with every visit! The entire trip was quite the intimidating undertaking. You see, I’m in this state of flux; the one that comes after you’ve received your degree, the one that comes when you’re paying off student loans, and the one that comes when you’re living back with your parents that you now call “roomies”… God I miss student life. I’m past the stage of “trying to find myself” and now find myself at the point of “trying to find what I want to do with my life”.
So what does that mean?! It means I dabble in anything and everything, seem to spread myself thin, and travel any chance I get. Have I found that one thing? Have I found what life is calling me to do? Mmm, let’s just get real for a moment. The world is not calling us to do one single thing. I mean that’s a perfectly nice idea, a very nice one indeed, but by no means is it something people should be holding their breath for! So, I really don’t know what I’m waiting for. I catch myself in moments referring to when things begin, or when I’m living the life I want, but what is it that I’m currently living?? Some kind of in between, not really real, state of flux kind of life that currently doesn’t count?? Is that what this is? Not to worry, I haven’t completely lost it. I suppose I’m just trying to find a bit of stability in the very fragmented situation I find myself in.
I haven’t found the simple answer to what it is I do as of late… Seems people want a simple answer and unfortunately I don’t have one and even more unfortunately no one cares for more than a simple answer. This makes me a bit anxious, but why?
Why do I give a shit about what others think and why do we equate our worth with what it is we do for a living? I’m trying to shake this and happily continue with the many jobs I hold but find it increasingly difficult with every person that isn’t patient enough to listen to my various goings-on that have no simple explanation. It’s a bit daunting to even admit it.
Embarking on month two of doing things that scare me has been an interesting start. NY provided me moments of self-doubt, moments of self-examination (scary in itself), and most importantly these autonomous moments that were solidified with countless hours of self-reflection and chats with my aunt, so all in all it was most definitely a trip worth while and a trip that has made me very excited for what day 40 of 100 will bring.
Promise to share these specific moments just as soon as I find the right words to describe my embarrassing moments and the humility I gained while facing my fears in NYC.
Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!