Happy Birthday Cailin! Day 48: In search of dead zombies to stir up some fear. If that fails, there’s always Drop Zone.
WHAT THE SHIT??? I missed a few haunted houses!! As soon as you enter Wonderland, you enter the darkest depths of hell… Well, not really, but they sure tried hard. Dry ice, red lights and zombies with some unreal makeup sure make you feel like you’ve just entered the gates of hell. There are 11 haunted houses this year and we managed to hit 6 of them. I really thought I did better than that.
Asylum was first on the list and they got me. My favourite part was by far the zombie who chased me and my sister out the exit to which my sister thought yelling, “Get back in your hole!!” was the right thing to do. Zombie dude yelled right back, “Get back in your hole!!” to which I then yelled, “Up Yours!!”
First off, I have never ever used that expression in my life. HONESTLY, I haven’t! Secondly, who says that??? And thirdly, why would I ever think yelling at some guy who wears a ton of make up and works at Wonderland deserves me yelling at him. Guess it was the adrenaline! At least that’s what I’m blaming it on. Highlights also included some crazy bloody chick that stood over her blood filled sink and stared into a mirror while she shook uncontrollably… CREEEEPY.
We then went to Corn Stalkers, Miner’s Revenge, Midsummer Night’s Scream, Blood Shed, and then Club Blood! Best part of Club Blood was the Thriller inspired MJ who greeted us at the door which led to a pill poppin’ techno beat blastin’ laser light RAAAAAAGE! Those are some crazy ass zombie bitches that can seriously shake an ass! The scariest part was an overweight vampire woman who wore far too little clothing for her “sexy dance”… Just saying!
TIPS FOR BEING SCARED/MAKING IT THROUGH HAUNTED HOUSES:
– If you wanna piss your pants in fear you best be going up front in your group. Zombies only have so many places they can jump out at you to scare your group.
– Zombies smell fear. If you’re scared, you can guarantee those bastards will follow you all the way through the maze.
– Stare those dead things down. They can’t touch you so they mostly just get right up in your face and cock their heads at you as they stare. You stand your ground and stare back! Seems they don’t know what to do with that.
– Stand up tall! I think it’s a rule or something that Wonderland only hires the kids that aren’t tall enough to ride the rollercoasters… all these monsters are midgets!!! Maybe people think that’s scarier than life size people?!
– DO NOT PUNCH/KICK/FIGHT the zombies in self defence. You’ll get kicked out so fast you don’t even have a chance to scream “Up Yours!”
– When all else fails and zombie bitch won’t leave you alone, stop, put both hands in their face and yell, “You’re fucked!” It’s like the safe word or something. Works every time!
Wonderland is opened until the 1st of November. Halloween Haunt and rides are there for your enjoyment. Beware of the Behemoth; that thing ate me alive, crushed my ovaries, took my voice, and spit me out a changed person. You’ve been warned. xo mkr
Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!