I’m one who would rather blend into my surroundings, prefers to be behind the camera, and most definitely prefers as little confrontation as possible (unless you’re seriously out of line, then you can guarantee I’ll call you on your shit). Preferring the background has finally come ’round to kick me in the ass.
In a busy city it seems perfectly normal to keep to yourself and go about your business without a second thought for whomever you may pass along the way. Being a country girl at heart who has come to love the city, I find it hard to direct my moral compass and find the perfect balance. On the shuttle from Grand Central to 42nd Bryant Park there was a homeless man singing his story. I heard his every word, made eye contact with this man and he affected me. I wanted to give this man money. I don’t believe there should ever be a moment of panic or even a moment of self questioning when a homeless person asks you for money when you can afford to give it. I know it’s simpler to give than to regret it and then be plagued with guilt for some time after.
So, if these are my sentiments towards the whole thing, why on earth was it so hard for me to give this man money on the shuttle? It’s because I was terribly aware of all the people on that shuttle that purposely looked down and purposely chose not to give. I was worried about what these people would think of me if I stood up to give this man who was less fortunate than me some money. I was worried about rocking the boat and I was worried about drawing attention to myself. I was scared. There it was. My daily moment presented itself and there I was left to make the decision.
I gave this man money, but what was it that made me so anxious about the whole thing? Who cares what other people think? Will this feeling pass if I push through those uncomfortable moments enough? Will the fear subside every time I take action? It seems like those moments of inactivity allows for fear to creep in. Perhaps I should quit thinking so damn much and start doing whatever it might be that I’m passionate about. The more reserved I am, the more fearful I become so I’m going to start kicking inactivity’s ass and throw that right out the window!
Now go face a fear; do something that scares you!