Haven’t been to my blog in nearly a month and wordpress has gone and changed the look. Oy vay. My apologies! I don’t think I could even begin to explain my absence. Oh wait, here’s my overview of MMMMMOOOVEMBERRRRRR!
CHECK OUT Day 1 – 30 & Day 31 – 61
MOVEMBER Day 62 – 90
First off, to all you peeps that grew a mustache for prostate cancer – much love to you!! Growing that facial hair on account of a good cause should not go unmentioned!! *I did not grow a mustache for the event, but appreciate those who did.
Nov. 1- Fear of H1N1 instilled in all of us. Broski was sick and I still hugged him!!! Bitch slapped that H1N1 in the face. I’m tough. I might also be afraid of intimacy. The fear of intimacy is in the top ten most common fears folks. You are not alone!
Nov. 2- I am alarmed about the topic of obesity. My sister and I thought mini sugar donuts and beer was a good choice after volleyball. Noooo sir. I started working out tonight. It’s been over two weeks since my 10km run. I don’t have an excuse. 
Nov. 3- Fear of not delivering. I might have stretched the truth in delivering a certain something and then it got lost in the mail. I would not accept failure so I did everything in my power to produce! I did, but will NEVER AGAIN use FedEx!!!!
Nov. 4- I held a snake. A very small one but nonetheless it was a snake. Pet man was very friendly. It was his new ‘baby’… MMMMAGINE I ever bought a snake and called it my ‘baby’. Pet names aren’t cool. No pun intended.
Nov. 5- Again, scared to share my work. Shared what my friend and I had been working on for so long for a charity event in Toronto. The ladies assured us, they loved it. The Darling Home For Kids’ A Night In New York! raised $120,000 NOT BAD, NOT BAD AT ALL! Huge thanks to all that supported the event! 
Nov. 6- I tried cottage cheese. That shit is disgusting, but I wouldn’t have known I still hate it unless I tried, so I did. Yuck.
Nov. 7- Scared of barn animals. Not sure if this is the hygiene factor or the size or maybe actually liking them and then fitting the stereotype of small town kids, but I fear barn animals, so I went down to the Royal Winter Fair with my grandparents and LOVED IT! Horse jumping is probably the coolest sport, ever! I love it! Cows are amazing. They even get their hair ‘did’- yes, with BLOW DRYERS!!! It’s some serious business showing your cows. I saw the best of the best and loved it. 
Nov. 8- Shared the wedding photos I took last month with the happy new couple. We sat together on the couch, me playing monkey in the middle as we looked through all the photos. Karen and Dave, I’m forever in debt to you for building my confidence, and being so reassuring that I could do it. Sharing your day meant a lot to me and I’m glad I was the person able to capture your memories on film. 
Nov. 9- Holy Jeeze, scared to kill the earth! Green I am, but I have so much to learn about the earth and green happenings. Read a fantastic article in Reader’s Dijest about a woman who has gone above and beyond your wildest dreams in a quest to save the earth. Ignorance is bliss and unfortunately this life lesson is becoming crystal clear with each piece of information I gather and the older I get. I’m scared for the fate of my our future! It’s our moral challenge of our age; to save the earth. Easy to ignore, but simple action can change this fate. A change in your diet alone can cut about ½ of what’s needed to avoid the worst effects of global warming. No, you don’t need to become a hippie vegan; simply cut back on meat consumption. It’ll do wonders for your health too. Just an added bonus.
Nov. 10- Paranormal Activity. Demons scare me. 
Nov. 11- Back to trying to teach myself guitar after a short five month break. Scared of the failure I suppose? I’m at a loss with this one and why I’m always so scared to get back at it. Maybe just worried I’ll damage my family’s hearing.
Nov. 12- Fear of putting a pen to paper. DO NOT ASK ME WHY. I’m pretty sure this goes back to fear of failure. Regardless, the fear is there and I did all that I could in my physical power to sit at my desk and not allow myself to move from my desk until I started what a literary agent told me I should ‘most definitely pursue.’ Sometimes my own stupidity/fears really shock me, amaze me, and piss me off.
Call me ultra lame but I made the next few days about trying new foods or foods I’m sure I hate… Before this experiment I was sure the only things in the world I don’t like are anchovies and olives. NEWS FLASH – there is some nasty ass shit out there to be tried. Enjoy.
Nov. 14- Black liquorice… Still REVOLTING to me. That taste is simply god awful!
Nov. 15- Seaweed stew from some little Korean joint in the city. No thank you ever again. Apparently I hate a lot of foods. Still wouldn’t dare call myself a picky eater. Trying these foods I think proves that.
Nov. 16- Pickled eggs from my local Denningers. I just had a gag reflex thinking about it again. I kept it down, but just barely.
Nov. 17- This may sound ridiculous, but jello. My dad has always hated jello because of its consistency. Well, that has now rubbed off on me, so to rev up this challenge I found jello/tofu pie. This is what I’m told is in it; 3 oz. box of jello- any flavour, 1 box silken tofu (firm), 1 graham cracker crust (reduced fat). Do not accept this if it is offered to you. I’m just dumb and sought out tofu jello as I don’t eat meat. I mean that jello ham salad they have at the grocery store would’ve been perfect but we don’t live in a perfect world so I did what I could.
Nov. 18- I had had enough of this food business at this point so I decided today would be the last. I looked up weird food combinations that people like. Well, turns out a lot of people believe grilled cheese sandwiches paired with dill pickles on them are delicious. Also, people seem to believe peanut butter sandwiches mixed with anything/everything disgusting under the sun are just divine… I chose the grilled cheese and pickles combo. Hardly worthy of a gag-like reflex the pickled eggs gave me, but definitely not how I will be eating my future grilled cheese sandwiches. 
Nov. 19- Worked at the gallery tonight for an opening reception where you get to meet the artists. I’m always scared to tell the artists when their art really means something to me, but with courage on my side for the evening, I spoke to one artist about his work and let him know how inspiring it was. He was extremely gracious and very thankful I shared my sentiments with him.
Nov. 20- Home alone over night. I’ve been living with quite a few roommates for a very long time so to be thrown a night on my own was really scary. Believe me, you hear every creek! Yes, I’m well aware at this point what a pussy I am.
Nov. 21- Tonight I learned a lot of hard life lessons. Life lessons can suck. The worst part is that you’ve usually heard them before and you already know the life lesson, but until you learn them firsthand, you’re screwed and susceptible. Tonight I faced the fear of trying to please everyone and failing miserably. C’est la vie and it won’t happen again. Sometimes you gotta look out for numero uno!
Nov. 22- Applied to Axe Canada. Now, this is a fear for many reasons. 1.You really have to put yourself out there. 2.Some see it as immoral… I say to them, it is what you make it! 3.I had to share a terribly embarrassing video where I pimp myself out (that’s putting it mildly) with co-workers because I’m not as tech savvy as I’d like to believe. This video is also being shared with complete strangers. Amazing.
Nov. 23- This whole challenge has brought out how much I worry about what other people think of me. Well thankfully a friend of mine pointed out that often times it’s your friendly self who is the most judgmental and I have to agree. Don’t get me wrong, there will be times in life that others will judge you, but more often than not you think someone is judging you when it’s just you being the only idiot judging yourself. Wow, have you lost me yet? Now conscious of this tidbit I felt a bit more empowered as I enter the last leg of my challenge. Scary thought swallowing the fact that I might be the biggest obstacle in my own life. 
Nov. 24- I’m scared to death of losing a loved one. Life’s precious, don’t ever take it for granted, and realize how lucky you are to have your health. Matt went into the hospital today to prepare for his bone marrow transplant. He is fearless! I didn’t ignore today – instead took special note of how scared I am but also to note how fragile we all are. We’re not invincible and that’s a frightening fact.
Nov. 25- Homichlophobia: Fear of fog. I promised my sister I would help her paint today and although terrified of driving in the fog, I faced that blanket of fog head on. I don’t drive often and the last time I drove in fog I wrapped my car around a pole so this was kind of a big deal for me. I must really love my sister!
Nov. 26- Fear of objects flying at my head. I went to the batting cages. Pretty sure the last time I held a baseball bat was when I played T-ball, so you can imagine how good I was; obviously not embarrassing but definitely not good. We started slow and worked our way up. I think I tried to improve too quickly because I really couldn’t keep up. Meh, faced the fear of embarrassing myself and also having objects fly at my head.
Nov. 27- Apparently a lot of people are frightened when it comes to crossing bridges. By no means am I trying to lessen this fear, but it’s not one I have ever even considered. Today I decided to test myself and head down to what I thought would be considered a cool bridge. There’s this massive tree that lies across Bronte Creek where I run and I’ve seen people fish from there or use it to cross the creek. Mind you this creek is pretty big and at this time of year the water’s pretty strong! Turns out it was a bit nerve-racking. So, to all you people who think you’re fearless and hardcore: I once thought that, but once you start testing yourself, turns out we’re not so badass after all, or at least as badass as we’d like to think.
Nov. 28- I may have applied to another ridiculous job that requires me really putting myself out there; whether or not I actually want these jobs as much as I want to test myself is still up for debate. 
Nov. 29- Another photo shoot ladies and gents. Although you’re behind the camera as a photographer, you are center stage for the people you’re photographing and that is the part that scares the shit out of me. They may or may not have huge expectations but I know how high my expectations are so I really do psych myself out. Again, damn it, I’m in my own way! Still did it so I’m counting it as a fear faced. It is getting easier, promise.
Nov. 30- LAST TEN DAYS! Coming Soon!!!! Tomorrow, actually, because tomorrow is the last day. Where the hell have the last 100 days gone?? Can’t wait to recap the highlights!
Check back because you WON’T want to miss the last 10!!
Much love to anyone who cared enough to follow parts of this adventure, all of it, really whatever part you may have played, I am so appreciative and have had such a blast!! Thank you. xo mkr
fragmented musings 