God, who do I think I am?? Post about my new subscription feature (on sidebar –>) and never post again. Conceited much!?! That’s not me; my sincerest apologies. Here’s the rundown of October. 61 days down, 39 to go.
You can check out THE AWESOME-NESS OF FEAR to see what this challenge is all about.
31. Fear of what others think: threw that care away and gave a homeless man money. Being a small town girl in the big city of New York stirred these surprising moments of adventure and self reflection that only new places can bring about.
32. Fear of the unknown aaaand spraining an ankle, and getting lost, and strangers who could attack me, etc. etc. I ran off the path in an unknown place, very far from home… literally, not metaphorically (Bronx River Parkway in New York while training for my first 10km race). My aunt will not be happy if she sees this.
33. Fear of going back on my word. I did something I said I wouldn’t. Now, this one works both ways. I’m always afraid to go back on my word, probably because I want to stick to it, but sometimes it’s okay to go back on your word. Have I lost you yet? Well, point is, I did something I said I wouldn’t… I’m probably uneasy about it because I do what I say and I say what I mean, so now where does that leave me!?!
34. I broke my own rules. I went against my own set of rules that have been very strategically set for when it comes to the opposite sex. Shall leave it at that.
35. Interview with Lit Agent… WTF?! Lord knows how this one fell in my lap, but it did and I thank my lucky stars everyday. I was petrified.
36. Afraid of rejection, but put myself out there… aaaand got rejected. Awesome.
37. Finally sat down to pull together a business plan of sorts for a program I’ve been putting together for young women. Scared to make it real; scared to follow through. Believe me, this following through business is a big one for me. It must have something to do with the fear of failure. We shall see.
38. Bought a bridal magazine. I’m not a romantic, nor have I ever imagined my wedding and I would like to say that traditional just isn’t my bag, so to pick up a bridal magazine before boarding a plane was a scary thing for me. Again, the “what will people think??” or worse, I didn’t want whoever I sat beside to think I was that lame girl who plans her wedding before there’s even an engagement ring on her finger. Then I realized, if they ask I can just let them know the truth of why I bought it, which is for my first ever wedding photography gig.
39. Scared of these Darling Home meetings (charity committee for their annual gala). Again, the not being liked, the fear they will reject another one of my ideas… God I’m sounding lame and insecure at this point.
40. New fear: high heels. Lesson learned at work from some old broad; verbatim, “Don’t wear heels or you’ll need surgery.” Oh, and, “You won’t have your youth forever.” Thank you woman for not letting me leave work feeling too good about myself. Whatever, she’s now instilled the fear of heels in me and I still wear those things!
41. Gas light came on and I played the old Kramer game – see how far you can go before your car dies. Nothing like a Sunday drive. Fear of getting stranded on the side of the road. I suppose being stranded anywhere on my own is a fear of mine. Really though, what 22 year old girl wants to be stranded anywhere all alone? It’s what horror films are made of!!
42. First ever dry family event (for everyone). It was short and sweet. I really have nothing more to say about it. Short and sweet.
43. Ate dinner at a restaurant by myself. I’ve done it before and can’t remember if it was a fear of mine or if I was even uncomfortable. Interesting thing is, before I started this challenge and was asking people for suggestions, almost everyone I asked mentioned dining alone. So I’m really not even sure if this was my own fear or others. The “fear” I suppose was heightened seeing that it was in my hometown that I haven’t lived in since I was 17 years old. Met a nice new friend and found time to finish my book – most definitely worth dining alone.
44. Confronted old hags about their hate crimes on the earth! These ladies left their car idling while they smoked their dirty cigarettes. The nerve of some people! Take that window of opportunity and say what’s on your mind.
45. Took photos for family friends and my sister’s real estate listing. Taking photos for people I know is a bit daunting. Homes are the pride and joy of most people so I wanted to make sure these photos were great and did the home justice.
46. Ran my first 10km race (in the dark and in costumes) with my friend Laine.
47. Wedding day! Not mine. Not facing that fear during my 100 day challenge! It was my first gig as a wedding photographer. I was all on my own and the memories of the day were left in my hands.
48. Sought out some zombies at Wonderland’s Halloween Haunt. Faced a pill poppin’ techno beat blastin’ laser light RAAAAAAGE! This place will change you.
49. Tried an overhand serve with my new beach volleyball team. That shit’s not like riding a bike. Doesn’t matter how many years you played rep volleyball! The serve ended badly and I got kicked off the team. DON’T DO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU – IT’LL PROBABLY END BADLY! OMG! Just kidding!!! I didn’t get kicked off the team. Instead we all just shared a laugh at how awful it was and agreed I should stick to underhand until I start lifting weights, which I refuse to do, so underhand it is!! (Weights are another fear of mine. The whole gym thing in general, really.)
50. EFFED THE DOG HARD… I don’t have a fabulous fear I faced for day fifty and how good would that have been?! “Fifty fears faced” UUUGHHHHHH! I will perform twice in one day before this thing is done. I WILL have 100 things by the end of this challenge!
51. Attended a conference for social media – new people, new surroundings, going to learn new stuff… it’s all scary. I’m out of practice when it comes to lectures. By the by, this thing was awful and they tried feeding me my free meal in a brown bag! Rude.
52. New position in hot yoga – standing on your head is no simple task and to trust yourself not to break your own neck is a frightening feat!
53. Because I am no longer a student, nor do I go out like I did while living in FUNdon, I’m now very out of shape when it comes to drinking. Mmm let me rephrase. I’m out of shape in terms of drinking liquor. Wine is another story my friends! So, at my friend’s 30th b-day party I agreed to the aqua coloured shot called Hypnotic. Never again. That shit is rancid and there’s nothing hip about it.
54. Called to book my first ever Fantasia party. Not only that, but also visited my first stag shop. My sister pulled into the parking lot and said we weren’t leaving until I went in. I learned a lot, saw too much, and realized this Fantasia party might just be hilarious. Also found out how funny porno titles can be… might just be my new favourite game!
55. Bees. They ruined my first day of grade 1 and I hold a grudge! I also know how badly my body swells up when one of those things lays into me, so I’m scared of bees, or so I thought. Turns out we should hate wasps, not bees! Eff wasps.
56. Filmed my video application for Axe Canada with Tina. Don’t like being in front of the camera because I’m an awkward mess. I’m also quite a passive person and to say I’m applying for this job means I’m all of a sudden going to have to be an aggressive individual.
57. Sent off my first ever real press release to my boss. He said he liked it. Mostly because I pimped him out hard in the press release, I’m sure of it. What can I say? He’s a talented guy! You should most definitely check Mr. David Hall out – veerrrryyy talented director and filmmaker.
58. Hot yoga by myself. Didn’t even realize this was intimidating for me until it was happening. I guess I just always seem to have someone to go with, but going on my own was an entirely new experience. It was a good one, just new and uncomfortable and a little tricky to get into.
59. Went to see Suzanne Somers give a talk at the convention center in Toronto. Yes, the mom from Step By Step. Don’t be jealous. She opened my eyes to the world of cancer and the world of mistreating your body. This also stirred the worry of being ill-informed or worse, uninformed. Somers represents alternative medicine and the medical world pretty much hates her for everything she represents, nonetheless, she brings a new perspective that I will continue to work hard to inform myself about. I’m most definitely fearful of becoming an uninformed individual.
60. Guns. I think this speaks for itself. GUNS. GUNS. GUNS. Those are some powerful beasts that should not be taken lightly. Never have I had a high quite like I had as I shot my first gun. I’d do it again in a second.
61. Scared of getting old. My girlfriend asked me last-minute if I’d like to go out in Toronto for Hallow’s eve. Of course I said yes, but like I mentioned earlier, I don’t go out much anymore… at least to clubs. So there I was. How quickly you forget the scene – eye sex all over the place, so much ass grabbing, and how simple it is for women to get a drink bought for her! None of this appeals to me. Worst part, I didn’t know any of the songs these kids were singing along to. I’m scared of getting old and falling out of the loop of life. I’ve now gained some perspective and realized “getting young” in clubs is for desperate fools and that music was the worst so why would I want to know those songs anyways?! Faced it and I’ll probably face it again, because bottom line, I love to dance!
My apologies that it took me this long to get October’s rundown out there, but there it is. 1 missed day – blast it!!!!! Promise, I’m thinking I will make up for it on day 100 🙂
So, where does all this leave me? Honestly, a bit stressed out. This is much harder than anticipated. It’s hard to find something everyday that scares you, but I’m doing my best. I do feel like I hit a bit of a low this month and ran dry for ideas for a while, but I’ve regained my excitement as we near the end.
I’m still doing this blindly but consider it a success that I’m still moving forward. I mean, it’s gotta count for something, right?!. The best part of this challenge has been the simple task of taking action. This whole thing has made me an active person in the sense that I’m engaged with the world in a way I’ve never been before. Talking gets tiresome and I was ready to take action and search out experiences that test you, that make you uncomfortable, and that show you something new.
You’ll never learn a thing about yourself always playing it safe!
xo mkr
fragmented musings 